With gas prices nearing like… eighty bucks a gallon, scientists are finally stepping up and finding alternate sources of fuel and oil. I tried running a vehicle off of farts and body odor, but my neighbors complained about the smell.

Fortunately, some scientists have figured out how to get oil from tires and plastic. Because, you know- that ‘burning rubber smell’ is so much more awesome than my flatulence.

So how do you get oil out of tires? With microwaves, of course. Why didn’t I think of that? All this time I was trying fire. My neighbors just love me, by the way.

There’s a video below with some science guy to explain this stuff for ya.

Thanks to High T3ch , whose writer smells like sizzling bacon, for the tip

Scientists have developed a microorganism that turns our junk into oil, or at least something like it. Let’s call it oil 2.0, because that is hip and catchy. 2.0 is still hip, isn’t it? Just a sec, I’ve got a phone call..

Okay, I’m back.. that was 2006 calling to say that sticking a number two with a decimal isn’t hip enough anymore. We’ve got to call it oil 3.5 beta or some crap like that.

Anyway, The microorganisms are modified yeast or something (what do i care? Just gimme cheap fuel!), and they can eat your old wood chips and lawn trimmings, then excreting it as a petroleum product. Just think 0f it as a really slow acting flux capacitor.

The people who are responsible for this organism claim that it is carbon negative- meaning that the resulting fuel will release less carbon than what is sucked in during the creation of the fuel. They also promised that the microorganisms wouldn’t harbor terrorists or hide WMDs under sand dunes.

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